Rancho Relaxo

The fine art of white trashin', deep fryin', and slow smokin'

 

 

Spring Break '96

South Padre Island, TX.
THE SAGA CONTINUES...

Act II. Moshiri’s Revenge

SCENE I Searching For the Founder of Whataburger

Narration: A lot of things have changed in the past year. "Emmanuelle" and "The One-Armed Man" were arrested and are still awaiting trail in a Mexican prison. "Conan the Pedestrian" believed he had the right-of-way on Interstate 40. "Wilt Chamberlain" discovered that women just wanted him for his body (He now works full-time as a stripper in Shreveport, LA). Along the way, Phil and all the president’s men discovered the talents of Yosemite Park Ranger Nick Peters. Nick became head of juvenille affairs for the team and quickly proved his worth. Andy Zurick joined up after a cross country chase involving thirty highway patrolmen, ten Papa John’s delivery boys, and one of the band members from "Cycle Sluts From Hell". Greg Tevis and Jeremy Michael were added as the two random guys that really had no clue what to expect, but went because several drunk lunatics convinced them it would be a good time. So, they went. Greg, who we will call G (for not so obvious reasons), is a mild mannered family man torn between his love for his women and his love for his toy making job. Jeremy just wants to be loved. In Padre, he believes that love will find him, if not a women, then maybe a trusty alcoholic beverage.

CHARACTERS:

"THE PUKES"

( The scene begins a year after the ‘95 expedition. The original crew has suffered casualties but new warriors have emerged.)

Greg Tevis as a random Disney character in a movie which happens to have a certain toy in it.
Jeremy "spoke in class today" Michael as WOODERSON (if you don’t get this watch Dazed & Confused)

"Los Activos"

Phil Ayres as President Phil Ayres
Cameron Carlile as the skinny guy who drives the truck
Derrick Draper as the man sleeping with your wife
Jay Abbatiello as an Italian immigrant with family connections
Andy Zurick as a man who finally has a grip on reality.
Nick Peters as Power Ranger Peters

 

WHEN:

Saturday morning March 2, 1995 at 6:30 a.m.

to

Some other time a week later

WHERE:

333 Padre Boulevard
South Padre Island, Cameron County, Texas
Bridgepoint Condominiums
Room # 208
Phone (210) 761-6858
Main Office - Tim Turner (800) 221-1402
 

Padre Rules:(for the chemically imbalanced)

1. Do not cause any chemical or physical change to the condo’s atomic structure.
2. Do not become familiar with the ER staff at Padre.
3. Avoid spending too much time with the aesthetically challenged.
4. Swan dives off the balcony are not highly recommended.
5. Clothes are optional.
6. Do not tell anyone your REAL name.
7. Use of heavy equipment is prohibited and in most cases impossible.

Padre Rules:(for the guys laughing at the chemically imbalanced)

1. Prevent the chemically imbalanced from getting arrested.
2. Hem anybody you feel needs one.
3. Act like you are a famous country music singer from Nashville, TN on a mission to Padre to help beautiful women feel they are wanted.
4. Make naked, chemically imbalanced pledges feel like they are physically inadequate to be Alpha Tau Omega’s.
5. Take pictures (This comes in handy when you feel like somebody owes you something).
6. Have fun, it’s free!

"Beyond The Bull"

Saturday March 2, 1995

6:30am - Meet at the house and have all your gear. There will be three vehicles going. My Blazer is designated as a smoking vehicle. That means that tobacco products may be smoked in my vehicle. That does not mean that other things can be smoked in my car. Draper is also driving, but you can’t smoke in his vehicle.

4:30pm - Hopefully we will arrive in Marshall, Texas. I have a big-ole lodge out in the woods that you better like, because it’s free.

4:30pm to very late - The plan is to go to Longview and eat at Papacita’s. After that, we should go legally buy alcohol in Shreveport, LA. After that, let’s pass out amongst ourselves.

Sunday March 3, 1995

9:00am - We say good-bye to Marshall and head to Padre.

7:00pm - Hopefully we will be at the condo sometime around this time. When we get there, we can take a quick nap and then go out. Don’t kid yourself, you’ll need a quick nap after that drive.

Monday March 4, 1995 to Friday March 8, 1995 - I know I won’t remember what happens! Maybe you can tell me sometime.

Saturday March 9, 1995 to Sunday March 10, 1995 - Same thing coming back!

 

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